Actor Choi Seung-hyun says he saw himself in his "Squid Game" (2021-) character of Thanos — "a failed rapper" and "pathetic loser." And that is why he chose the role.

Becoming the drug-dependent rapper made him reflect on his "shameful past." Now, the controversial musician, who faced public backlash due to drug-related issues, is seeking redemption and a pathway back to his music career.

“I hesitated to accept the role of Thanos because I had to face many aspects of my own disgraceful history, and I was worried that the mistakes from my past would forever be embedded into who I am,” Choi said during an interview on Wednesday at Radio M in Samcheong-dong, central Seoul. “However, I saw this as a price I had to pay and considered it as my fate.”


“It was a difficult decision because this character reflects my own failings. He isn’t a heroic figure but a failed rapper, a pathetic loser. So, I had to pluck up the courage to take on this challenge,” Choi added.

The actor debuted as a member of the iconic K-pop group Big Bang in 2006 and faced backlash for smoking marijuana in 2017, leading to a 10-month prison sentence. It is the first time Choi has appeared in front of the media since his criminal case.

“Since this is my first interview in 11 years, I put a lot of thought into seeking the right timing and approached it carefully with a heavy heart,” Choi said. “I wanted to speak honestly, but I didn't want to overshadow the other actors’ interviews or bring any harm to the project.”

“There were moments during filming, especially in scenes where Thanos takes unidentified drugs, that forced me to face uncomfortable emotions, and it was mentally demanding. Still, I viewed it as my responsibility to overcome these feelings,” Choi added.

The actor’s performance elicited mixed responses. In the series, Thanos raps to win a woman's affection, dances during the mingle game and picks fights with other contestants while depending on a mysterious drug concealed in his cross-shaped necklace.

Some viewers found his acting awkward and exaggerated, but others thought it wasn't Choi's choice but the intention of the director.

“Acting and characters are subjective matters of taste, and as an actor, I have to accept both praise and criticism,” Choi said. “The concept behind Thanos was always that of a failed, delusional rapper filled with a middle-school-level attitude and mentality.”

“He is like a grown man with the mind of a child, like the animated character Shin-chan. It was a bold challenge for me as someone in my late 30s, but I did my best,” Choi explained further, with a smile.

Responding to the public criticism of Choi’s acting, director Hwang Dong-hyuk came to the actor’s defense in a recent interview, saying, “The outcome was exactly what I wrote, directed, approved and edited, so it should be viewed as my intention.”

According to Choi, however, it was a team effort.

“I never directly asked the director about his intentions, but he told me he didn’t write this role with me in mind,” Choi said. “He wanted exaggerated gestures and an awkward swagger, and he believed I could deliver that. We discussed and refined the character together in detail."

“While preparing for the series and trying to understand Thanos as a character, I researched how people are affected by stimulant addiction and learned that those dependent on such drugs experience intense anxiety and agitation when deprived but become hyperalert when under the influence,” Choi said. "I tried to incorporate these factors into my portrayal of the character."

“The director asked me to exaggerate these emotional swings, and we worked closely to develop this character," Choi added.

Choi reflected on his secluded life since 2017, after he faced trial for drug use and chose to stay away from the media spotlight. He officially announced his departure from Big Bang in June 2023.

Despite the challenges he faced, Choi found solace in music, stating that he plans to return as a musician "soon" with the songs he wrote during what he described as "the darkest period" of his life.

“I was alienated from society, trapped in guilt and self-loathing, moving between my house and the music studio,” Choi said.

“Making music gave me a sense of relief and pulled me out of the darkness. Although the release date isn’t set, I plan to share new music soon.”

Regarding his departure from Big Bang, Choi said, “I didn’t want my mistakes to harm the team’s reputation.”

“Five years have passed since I told the media that I would not rejoin Big Bang, and ‘Still Life’ (2022) was my last project with them, a farewell for the fans and everyone."

When asked by the reporters whether Thanos might lead to a more active acting career for him, Choi refrained from detailing his future acting plans. Instead, he reiterated his apologies for past mistakes.

"I understand that I cannot drastically change the public's perception of me, but I have to live with and take responsibility for the feelings surrounding that."

BY YOON SEUNG-JIN [yoon.seungjin@joongang.co.kr]